My Decision to Compete

My Decision to Compete

NOTE: I started writing this on December 15, 2017. Today is January 18, 2017. I am 5 weeks into my training and am re-visiting, updating and finally posting this gem. SO MANY FEELS.

So obviously I have made hints about it...haven't really tried to keep it under wraps, because that's just not me. When I'm excited about something I just wanna blab about it all the time.

So yes, I have set the intention, and I will be competiting in my first bikini competition in 2018. October 13, 2018 to be exact. 

At first I didn't really see the need to write out a post about it, except I had all these thoughts swirling around in my head and I knew I had to get them down on {digital} paper. And you know what, I'm happy I did, because this time - 12 months from now - when the show has come and gone and I'm back on my usual grind, I'll be happy that I wrote this all down so that I could reflect back and read what I was feeling in this exact moment. 

I just hired my coach. {UPDATE: hired Adam Atkinson of See You Later Leaner, already into Week 5, holla ya girl is on FIRE!}

Sounds weird when I read it back right now, like what? What does that even mean, what does it really signify?

It means that failure is not an option.

It means that I am really doing this, despite the waves of fear, panic, excitement and utter elation. Yes, I feel every one of those things all at the same time. 

Why? 

Well, those closest to me know that I am a perfectionist, yet not in all aspects of my life. I have a desperate need to be in control of all things at all time; I'm working on it. I know it can be overbearing. Yet, even with that, I never really was someone who wanted to perfect me.

I was never one to spend hours watching YouTube videos trying to learn how to do the perfect smokey eye; I never excelled in atheletics; I gave up on playing the flute once it got hard in high school; you get the drift. I had and have a habit of giving my all to the things I naturally am 'good' at, and when something gets hard and I can't be perfect I dimiss it.

Well I'm about to give my former self a huge slap in the face, because guess what...you can never be perfect at body building. There's always room for improvement, areas in which you can grow. So making the conscious decision to transform myself physically for something I know I can never perfect is both unnerving and liberating. 

All I can do is give it 100%, my all, every ounce of discipline and focus that I have in me. In a sense, I can be perfect at that. I can control that; I am the only one who can finish a workout, follow the recommended macros and trust in my coach and the process fully. 

Left: Starting photos I sent to Adam on Dec. 18, 2017. Right: My first TWO WEEK check-in, so much change in just 14 days!

Left: Starting photos I sent to Adam on Dec. 18, 2017. Right: My first TWO WEEK check-in, so much change in just 14 days!

So now let's fast forward to TODAY, 5 weeks after I started writing this post and give you a little update!

I LOVE IT. 

Yes, I'm tired. I wake up around 5:00am Monday-Friday and lift for about 90 minutes. I lift again on Saturday afternoon after spending some quality time with the fiancé and puppy, and am supposed to rest Sunday, but often go to yoga. Hey, it feels good to stretch and sweat. 

I've already had my first macros tweak, came down a bit in carbs and fat, but still eating like a beast. Meal prep has gotten easier, I still have ice cream almost daily {protein ice cream obvi, shout out to Halo Top and Enlightened for changing the game!} and am listening to my body. I have stopped fearing foods, because this girl lifts way too much, for way too long, to not eat carbs. 

Every day my confidence in the gym grows and my trust in my coach and his recommendations deepens. I've ordered my shoes {yay, Shoe Fairy!} and already have my eye on my compeition bikini, but that can wait for now. I have started interviewing posing coaches, because it's NEVER TOO EARLY to practice your posing routine. 

Week 4, feeling stronger every day and loving all the carbs.

Week 4, feeling stronger every day and loving all the carbs.

Most importantly, the mental and physical changes I have made in just 5 weeks have BLOWN my mind. My body is changing and adapting well. My head is clearer, I sleep better. I generally am happier and way less stressed {although, being 5 /12 months out from our wedding certainly throws a few curve balls here and there}. I have gone from a girl who was shy and embarrased when it came to anything physical or fitness-related, to a woman who owns her spot at the gym and is excited for each new morning because it's a chance to be better than I was the day before. 

I am incredibly blessed to have a growing and vibrant support system behind me. I've made some amazing connections with truly inspiring and bad ass chicks who are laser focused on their health and fitness too. I've got my own little cheer squad of friendly faces who make me feel good AF every morning I see them at Centerville Fitness - that place has seriously become like a second home.

And let's not forget my my bestest friend and love of my life, Michael, who listens {or at least pretends to} my rants and rambles and patiently takes all my progress photos. 

I've said this before on my Instagram, but the hardest hurdle to get over so far has been other people's perceptions. I've had to learn and practice how to just let it go.

Unless you're in my head, you have no idea what this all means to me.

You don't know how this has saved me, ignited a new purpose and become my source of therapy.

Latest check-in sent to Adam. Start of Week 5, starting to work on posing. 

Latest check-in sent to Adam. Start of Week 5, starting to work on posing. 

So judge all you want, I know body building and bikini competiting is not for everyone - but for now it's for me. And truthfully that's all that matters. I can't really think of the last time I have done something solely for me. 

Long story, longer, this year I’m choosing ME. And although that may sound selfish to some, it will benefit every aspect of my life and give me the best possible foundation for my marriage.

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about the EFFORT. When you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation occurs. So choose YOU. Be relentless in pursuing your goals.

And don’t ever be sorry for being ambitious 💗

Coffee n' Donuts Smoothie

Coffee n' Donuts Smoothie

Guilt-Free Chocolate Proats

Guilt-Free Chocolate Proats